about that caramel corn

Whoever decided to boil sugar and water and call it SIMPLE syrup should really be punched in the face. Probably by me.

Simple. Easy. Easy as boiling water… with sugar in it.

“Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity.” Just as reading the works of Mr. Thoreau make living in the woods with nothing but your bootstraps seem easy, fun, and desirable, so does the promise of that Simple Syrup.

1 & 1/2 cup white sugar

1/2 cup water

2 tbspn butter

Boil until a delightful yellowish, caramelish, color

Things recipes fail to mention:

1) Boiling sugar is very hot and very scary and the bubbles look like they might spill out onto your stove and eat you alive

2) You can’t see what color your syrup is because there are too many scary burning bubbles

3) Stirring is not a desired activity. In fact, if you stir your syrup before or after it cooks, look what happens!

4) It’s really hard to get crunchy, solidified sugar out of your saucepan. Especially when it’s your only saucepan and your cake STILL needs frosting, and your boyfriend is coming home in less than an hour and it’s still his birthday whether you fail the cake or not.

So about that caramel corn.

The recipe looked easy. 1 & 1/2 cup white sugar, 1/2 cup water, 2 tbspn butter, Boil until a delightful yellowish, caramelish, color, pour over popcorn. But again, I was deceived. Simple Syrup, overcooked, with butter, right?

But I got scared of the scary bubbles, pulled the pan off way too soon, didn’t want to let it cool (recalling that last fateful batch of crunchy, cooled “syrup”), and dumped a sugary slurry right over my bowl of popcorn.

The result was frightening. Not the most offensive popcorn I’ve ever put in my mouth, but when each kernel is caked in crunchy sugar lumps, the teeth can only handle a few bites.

Or bowls.

Well, I couldn’t let all that popcorn go to waste!

After throwing away a mountain of sugar-corn, I tried again the next morning. I was patient. I didn’t succumb to fear. I let it boil and boil and boil until it turned brown! And I poured it over my popcorn, laid it out to dry, and then it was delicious.

What The Recipes Don’t Tell You:

5) Make a half batch. In fact, make a quarter batch, especially if you are home by yourself for a week and have little motivation to eat real food. Otherwise, you will eat 1 and 1/2 cup of sugar in less than 48 hours.

Recipe from Smitten Kitchen, minus the peanuts and spicy stuff, because I didn’t have any peanuts, and I’m afraid of spicy-sweet things. Also – be judicious with the salt! It doesn’t stick to the hardened caramel real well, so if you don’t add it to the caramel, then you’ll have to settle for licking it off your fingers at the bottom of the bowl.